I call them the “me or not me” moments—a pause point when I
know it’s time to consciously review my current ways of thinking and behaviors.
To make choices and changes to more closely align with my authentic sense of
being.
Often it takes a crisis or shift in life circumstances to demonstrate
this inherent ability to question oneself. But I’m trying to up my game, to pose The Me or Not Me question more frequently
throughout the day. I find this allows
the flexibility to choose stretch behaviors that help me grow, learn, and have
more fun while simultaneously recognizing that certain ways of acting don’t
represent the real me.
It’s so easy to get out of whack.
As an example, my friend was recently in the hospital in
intensive care. I made many visits,
sitting by her side as she struggled for breath and hallucinated from the pain
medications. I was distraught. All my energy focused on practically willing
her to get better.
Pulling into our driveway after a hospital visit, I saw my
husband had parked his tractor so that I had to back-up my car in order to pull
into our garage. I moved the car in
reverse and felt a sickening thud. Without thinking, I had backed into a tree
and shattered my left rear tail light along with putting a major dent in my
fender.
About a week later after another nerve-wracking hospital
visit with my friend, I took my car to a collision center for an estimate from the
“car meets tree” incident—$1,510.85 of damage to be exact. As I was leaving, I slowly backed out of the
parking space and oh lord, I felt that familiar thud again! I had hit another
car whose owner was about to pick up his newly repaired vehicle.
“This is so not me,” I thought. Well…first I questioned my sanity, had a good
cry, took a deep breath and only then
acknowledged that the universe might be trying to tell me that in spite of my
good efforts, it was time to slow down, let go of the need to fix everything,
and get myself grounded again.
In this case, my “out of whack” lasted a couple of
weeks. I guess that’s good news, for I
think of how easily these things can turn into months and years—when we lose
sight of who we really are. After years
of a punishing job, challenging relationship, or just the difficulties of life,
we can’t remember what it’s like to relax, to not feel anger or fear, or to make
our own choices.
Maybe we have become so comfortable in our self-perceptions
that we refuse to think out of the box and consider another point of view, a more
appropriate way of being and becoming at this new point in our life.
It may be time to question if who we
were in the past is what we want to be in the future. Will the real me please stand up.
No blaming others allowed with The Me or Not Me question.
It’s all on you—both a frightening and empowering position. Frightening in that you have to assume
responsibility for your own behaviors.
Empowering in that you aren’t allowing other people or circumstances to
determine how you perceive or conduct yourself.
Getting more skilled with the Me or Not Me question can be as simple as starting your day with a
conscious choice of how you choose to think and act for the next 24 hours. Consider any challenging situations or
conversations that might occur.
Take a deep breath and think it through. Ask, “What makes me feel good about
myself? What makes me feel less than? Do I choose to be focused and calm or hostile
and angry? What’s me? What’s not?”
Take your pick.
This is challenging work.
We resist. We often allow fear, anger,
or the ego to take charge. I sometimes
wonder, “Why is being not me so much
easier sometimes than being the real me?”
Maybe there are no answers, or maybe it’s as simple as the opening
line in Scott Peck’s classic book, The
Road Less Traveled where he begins with, “Life is difficult.” And the difficulties of life require a set of
tools to solve life’s problems. Asking
the Me or Not Me question is one of
those tools to help us on our journey.
